I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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