the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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