when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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