He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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