i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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