I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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