I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize