Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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