I wanna bring you to show and tell
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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