I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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