I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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