Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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