I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize