How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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