yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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