The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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