His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize