Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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