there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize