ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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