I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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