oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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