I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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