I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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