I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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