i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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