Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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