i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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