I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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