My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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