I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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