The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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