yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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