I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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