he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize