.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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