Four minutes until I can fart!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize