You really coming over, don't trick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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