Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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