i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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