Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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