just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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