You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize