There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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