i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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