I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize