She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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