apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize