ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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