you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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